My 2020 in Review

I wrote up a list of the events, themes, and life changes that meant the most to me in 2020. It includes psychological hacks, psychedelic discoveries, family issues, financial learnings, charitable commitments, and art. Some of it is pretty personal and wasn’t easy to write, and it took a whole lot more energy than I anticipated. I hope something here is interesting for you. Please contact me if you want to talk about any of it further — I would love that.

Sibling Therapy

It actually didn’t start as sibling therapy. I sought a therapist in late 2019 when I was struggling in a romantic relationship. Then, this summer a family issue came to a head that needed immediate attention. Part of the issue concerned my brother and me, and the therapist suggested my brother join us for some sessions. For eight weeks the three of us talked through the family tensions, but also went back through our sibling history, unearthing a difficult past that we assumed was not getting revisited. Not only did the issues at hand come to a healthy place, but we made progress in healing old wounds in our sibling relationship that we might never have been spoken to otherwise.

I haven’t yet heard that sibling therapy is a common thing, but it got me thinking about how much could be gained if more people did it.

Photography

I spent high school in the darkroom developing film and printing photographs. My parents even built me a tiny room in the attic so I could work at home. After high school I came back from Nepal with rolls and rolls of film of Hindu holy men and villager kids. But like many of us, my cameras vanished from my life and then the smartphone came along.

It had been over a decade since I owned a dedicated camera, and this year I dove back in. I got a used digital Fujifilm rangefinder (X100F) and registered for an online portraiture course at the International Center for Photography, taught by the amazing Neal Slavin.

For my 40th birthday, my Artiphon business partner Mike gave me a 1950’s Rolleiflex (Automat K4A), an all manual medium-format film camera, and I was once again shooting film.

My wish is to take portraits. I want to create sincere, storytelling portraits of the people in my life.

I’ve been carrying a camera with me most places I go and exercising my eye. I’ve had a number of friends sit for portrait sessions, and I’ve captured some candid moments that make great portraits as well. I’ve also been reading up on the masters — most recently Steichen.

It feels powerful to bring a creative art back in, I look forward to spending the rest of my life working at it.

Here are some of the photographs I took this year: https://adobe.ly/380jaP9

Giving 10% of What I Earn

At the end of 2020 I committed to donate a minimum of 10% of my earnings to good causes each year (and took the Giving What We Can pledge). I’m sure my thinking will evolve in coming years, but here is how I did it this time around. The quick version is: I gave 10% of what I made this year (70% of which went to life-saving global health interventions, and 30% to domestic groups doing social equity work).

Two books really inspired and convinced me: The Most Good You Can Do (Peter Singer) and Doing Good Better (Will MacAskill). Both build on the idea of reducing preventable deaths, suffering, and long-term risk via the most effective and proven means available. This school of thought, and the movement around it, is known as Effective Altruism.

Of the 10% of total earnings I donated (which included proceeds from a house I sold in Nashville at a nice profit), I gave the majority to global health causes saving lives in the developing world:

– The GiveWell Maximum Impact Fund supports a short list of charities that it rigorously evaluates for doing the highest degree of good per dollar. As you can see, they target Malaria (it costs $3000-$5000 to save a life from Malaria), intestinal worms, childhood vitamin deficiencies, childhood vaccinations, and even direct cash transfers to people in extreme poverty.

– I also gave to two Effective Altruism funds: the Global Health and Development Fund (which includes more speculative grants to emerging interventions), and the Effective Altruism Infrastructure Fund which is designed to be something of a force-multiplier that increases access to capital, talent, and knowledge.

In addition to these hyper-efficient and focused global health charities, I gave to two other groups for more personal reasons:

– The Bard Prison Initiative, which provides associate’s and bachelor’s degree programs to inmates in New York prisons. I went to Bard College, so this hit home. Also, once you watch the recent documentary College Behind Bars you’ll know what I’m talking about.

– New Level Community Development Corporation in Nashville is a non-profit that builds affordable homes for rent and sale, and runs programs like homebuyer education and down-payment matching. Since I lucked out and co-purchased a house in Nashville in 2009 before the gentrification boom, I wanted to do something to support affordable housing in a city that is seeing staggering spikes in rent and home prices.

So that’s what I did. I think I can feel confident that I saved some human lives (probably in the low single digits). I also supported causes with more personal relatability. And there are surely so many questions one could ask. Where’s climate change? What about Artificial Intelligence risk? What about animal welfare? How many of these orgs are run by people of color? (I think the answer to that question is one: New Level). I invite conversation on all of this, so please reach out if you’d like to discuss.

Relevant reads: The Most Good You Can Do, by Peter Singer) and Doing Good Better, by Will MacAskill.

My Parents

Like many of us, this year involved retreating to my hometown for some long stretches of time with my parents. I spent at least two month-long periods in Boston with my mom and dad and, I have to say, it’s the most I’ve ever enjoyed their company. This last visit we ate dinner together every night for a month straight (the longest I’ve done this since I was in high-school I’m sure!). I do feel my meditation practice has helped me be more present and patient when I feel negative patterns and frustrations arise. And may I say, these mid-seventies oddballs have really grown up nicely!

The Stock Market

Until this year I had never touched investing. After selling a house I co-owned in Nashville, I had some money in my account. Wondering where to put it, I started researching the stock market with a focus on ethics and the environment. I’m far from an expert, and I’m sure I have some very real missteps ahead of me still, but so far I’ve found ways of investing that are feeling good.

Because I was looking for socially responsible green methods, I chose a robo advisor called Interactive Advisors. IA offers ESG portfolios (investor-speak for Environmental, Social, and Governance). You can choose general ESG funds, or focus on specific areas like Clean Water, Ethical Leadership, LGBTQ Inclusion, and Racial Equality. You can also choose sectors to avoid (like tobacco, big polluters, or specific companies). You can invest according to your risk tolerance score and the portfolios are well-diversified and low-fee. I think IA will be my main set-it-and-forget-it investment vehicle.

I’ve also been using Robinhood for a small number of individual stocks as well as ETFs (exchange traded funds), which are bundles of stocks from companies in a given theme. So far I’ve sought ETFs that focus on renewable energy generation and the clean energy industry.

The stock market has been surprisingly strong through the madness of 2020, but things are likely more volatile and unpredictable than ever, so it’s an extra risky time to get involved. That means you could do worse or better than under normal circumstances. Time will tell if I get this right the way I’m doing it.

I definitely found that investing in the market for the long-term is a lot more accessible than I thought, and many funds have minimums of $100. If you are thinking about how you’ll save for retirement, home ownership, or your kids’ college, there are certainly lots of ways. Check out Interactive Advisors, but also Wealthfront, Betterment, Ellevest and other modern robo-advisors, as well as the more old school Vanguard Funds and such. Happy to talk about any of this further as well.

Sam Harris’ Making Sense Podcast

Nowhere have I found such consistently profound, rigorous, and timely conversations than on Sam Harris’ show. Each episode is an interview with a scientist, researcher, theorist, or the occasional poet. Segments run upwards of two hours, but are as deep as they are gripping, and often leave me purchasing the books written by his guests. Topics range broadly, but tend to focus on politics, science, technology, economy, ethics, and happiness. In 2020 it was also replete with many scathing defenestrations of Trump (defenestrate being one of Sam’s favorite words, meaning to throw someone from a window).

A PhD in neuroscience and monastic training in Buddhist meditation give him a particularly keen view on the science of human wellbeing and he talks a lot about meditation, psychedelics, and the psychology of happiness (he also has a meditation app).

There are surely reasons to dislike or disagree with the man. And sometimes I definitely feel I’m listening to a somewhat calmer Rick Sanchez overly-self-assured smartest-man-in-the-universe type. I also find his guest list to be more male and white than I would like. If you want to test yourself around some of his more challenging ideas, try his monologue on police racism following the killing of George Floyd.

But my love for this show is not based on my devotion to Harris or his opinions, but to the place he has made for deep conversations and critical thinking on hugely important issues, and the sheer amount that I have learned from it, or that it has led me to learn in the things I’ve pursued as a result.

You can get partial episodes for free, but I happily pay the $50/year for the full feed, and I’ve gifted subscriptions to several friends. (He does subscription fees in order to not take ad money and to protect himself from cancelability).

Some of my 2020 heavy-hitters:

#228 Doing Good: Will MacAskill (Effective Altruism and charitable giving)

#220 — The Informational Apocalypse: Nina Schick (deepfakes)

#218 — Welcome to the Cult Factory: Tristan Harris (social media)

#217 — The New Religion of Anti-Racism: John McWhorter (woke ideology and cancel culture)

#209 — A Good Life: Scott Barry Kaufman (psychology of happiness and the hierarchy of needs)

#207 — Can We Pull Back from the Brink? (monologue after the death of George Floyd)

#205 — The Failure of Meritocracy: Daniel Markovits (the wealth gap)

#196 — The Science of Happiness: Laurie Santos (cognitive scientist and happiness researcher)

Spanish

I’ve done my Duolino Spanish almost every day this year! Recently I’ve found it’s nice to do it in the morning before I get out of bed. 2021 will be about getting more conversational.

Meditation

If you’ve spoken to me in the past few years I’ve probably brought up the topic. I actually first encountered meditation in my early twenties, but the past three years it has taken a central role in my life. I practice in the Zen school of Buddhism, and am part of a community of like-minded practitioners (the Mountains and Rivers Order). But the power of meditation isn’t owned by any particular tradition or group, and chances are there is a version that can fit well with your worldview and tastes.

Put simply, meditation points us to the core of who we are. When I sit on the cushion, distracted as I might be, I’m going eyeball to eyeball with the substance of my reality and consciousness. The research is piled high showing meditation’s benefits for cognitive performance, balancing depression, improving physiological function, and much more. But the deepest benefits come from a gradual path of deeper awareness into the meaning of life and freedom.

To those interested in exploring meditation, my recommendations would be start small (like ten minutes a day for a month) and notice what happens. There are more and more great meditation apps as well. Check out Waking Up, 10% Happier, and Headspace, but the list is long!

I would also strongly suggest giving yourself the gift of a meditation retreat at some point. A three, five, or ten day retreat might well be one of the most meaningful things you ever do. At the time I’m writing this, under non-covid circumstances, I would be just coming back from the five-day silent retreat I’ve been doing for the last two years at Zen Mountain Monastery. There’s no doubt I’ll be doing a make-up retreat this year when it’s again possible.

Psychedelics

I downed my fair share of hallucinogens as a youngster, but mostly it was in the service of enhancing fun occasions like concerts and capering around with friends. These past few years I’ve been experimenting with a more introspective and therapeutic format. In 2020 I took several solo mushroom trips that really hit the spot, and confirmed for me the kind of personal growth I think I can get from it.

I won’t try to summarize the recent research and trends going on right now, but there is certainly a new wave of interest and evidence for the lasting positive effects of psychedelic substances on things including addiction, depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress, as well as more positive-psychology measures of contentment, insight, and growth.

It’s not to be taken lightly and it’s not a fix-all, but I see a lot of potential for this class of substances and their accompanying methods to help people and society be better.

Of the several sessions I conducted on myself this year, one has had the most lasting gravity. I set aside the day of Easter for the trip, and began it with a heroic helping of mushrooms over oatmeal. Over six hours, with an eyeshade and music coming through headphones (playlist here), I traveled throughout the web of my life, visiting everyone I knew and thanking them for being there. I wrestled with true fear as I wondered if I was plunging too deep and might snap free from the lifeline of sanity and safety. But I relied on the master-prompt for these kinds of deep dives: when you reach something frightening, move toward it, meet it, embrace it.

Convalescing in bed (very very much unable to walk or move around) I felt a profound empathy with those alone and scared in their hospital beds, fighting to breathe. I was swept away on a clear realization of our great togetherness, seeing the universe as a coordinated symphony, every part moving in sublime synchrony. And as I emerged, feeling as if I’d been reborn after living an uncountable number of lives all at once, what remained was the primacy of kindness. Not just kindness, but… kindness, kindness, kindness.

Relevant reads: How to Change Your Mind, by Michael Pollan

Yoga

I’ve despised yoga my whole life. I’ve said it over and over how much it’s not my thing. Then kerpow! In comes 2020 like a sun salutation to the back of the head. I’ve been doing yoga on my own since the summer and I think it’s here to stay. My body has never felt better. I’m certainly more flexible. And I think it’s taken care of posture issues that I suspect were leading to a kyphotic curve in my spine. Now I keep my mat out during the work day for five-minute yoga breaks, which is a game-changer.

Not only does it feel like it suits my body so well now, but yoga seems like the thing you want to be doing if you plan to live to 145 years old and you want the mechanics to stay in good shape along the way.

I’ve also found yoga to have emotional benefits that I don’t feel with other physical activity — there’s emotional release and healing in those movements. It brings me back to things I read in The Body Keeps the Score about yoga as treatment for combat veterans with PTSD.

Doing yoga solo with videos is part of what made this all click (my apologies to the yoga teachers out there, but your classes have always been part of my aversion). I got started with Adriene Mishler, more recently Fiji McAlpine has been my guide. Open to recommendations for next steps!

Practicing Anti-narcissism

It was a very emotional year for me with some real personal challenges, but I learned many new things about myself through it, and I built some tools to help move me closer to the person I want to be.

Through the course of some family issues and a painful breakup I identified personality traits in me that I’ve come to define as narcissistic. (you may be reading this and thinking: “you’re just discovering this now?”) I’ve always known I can be pretty into myself, but learning what narcissistic traits are really made of was a huge eye-opener.

After a lot of self-reflection, conversations with loved ones, and research, I designed a set of mental exercises meant to redirect and counterbalance my thought-patterns in better directions. I narrowed down to five core themes, and then mapped them to each day of the week.

Monday is self-acceptance and self-love. Maybe sounds odd to focus on the self like this, but so much of our negative behaviors come from insecurity and self-rejection. To invoke the prompt, I just try to keep it in mind during the day (it starts to become a habit). I jot notes about it in my journal. And I make sure it’s close to mind when a challenging situation comes up.

Wednesday is suspending judgment and jealousy. This means one day dedicated to neither

looking down on nor being envious of others. When I see myself having negative thoughts about someone, I can stop and think: “Nope, it’s Wednesday. Let it go.”

Thursday’s theme is seeing people as people, which can take many forms. It’s about honoring people’s fundamental equality. It’s about being proactively anti-racist and seeing through implicit biases. And it builds toward compassion.

Friday is empathy and kindness toward others.

These have become habits of mind. But as they strengthen, they also become powers that I can summon when needed (like doing leg day at the gym). I know anyone else would come up with a different list for themselves and their own goals. Maybe give it a shot and see what yours could be.

Relevant reads: Rethinking Narcissism, by Craig Malkin and Identifying and Understanding the Narcissistic Personality, by Elsa F. Ronningstam